Release the guilt and empower your mind.
When I started my self-love journey, there were a lot of thoughts that I needed to change. One of those changes was my view of food, particularly “treats.” By treats, I mean sweets of all kinds. Chocolate, cake, pie, cheesecake, pretty much anything sweet and delicious I “wasn’t” supposed to want.
From a young age, I felt guilty for wanting a treat. Connecting guilt with a treat may sound strange, but these thoughts lead to poor body image and distrust of oneself. I was considered a big child, and my parents made it very clear that I shouldn’t eat the same things as my not overweight older brother. I do not fault them for this. In their way, they were doing what they thought was best for me.
However, my parents didn’t realize that this approach was cultivating my relationship with food. Eating treats became a guilty pleasure for me. It became a “f**k you” system that I had no idea I was doing. When my parents denied me access to a specific food or told me I could only have a limited amount, I would find a way to eat it and then some.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I finally realized what I was doing. I finally truly understood how my childhood had impacted my view of food. There was a specific moment while chatting with a friend when this realization dawned on me. It took my entire childhood and 20s to realize that I was using food as a means to protect myself and gain freedom. What was wilder to me was that it had taken me that long to step back and see what I had been doing. That was when I decided to work on improving my relationship with food.
This time, I wouldn’t eliminate a food I loved from my regular eating (as I had tried before). I decided to reframe my thoughts and change my perspective. As a counselor, I learned about this idea and decided to dive deeper.
So, how does the reframing begin?
It starts with taking your thoughts or feelings about something or a situation and replacing them with a new idea or emotion. For example, I had to redefine my feelings regarding my view of treats.
Old thoughts: I am unworthy of wanting this, but if I don’t eat it all, another opportunity will not exist.
New thoughts: I am neither good nor bad for wanting this. There is always more; eat what feels right.
I had to stop the mental battle that I had going on between my thoughts and the food itself. Growing up, eating a sweet item was almost always associated with guilt. This guilt meant that I wasn’t healthy, I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t care, and I would never be worthy of anyone’s love.
It’s safe to say that, in some form, we have all dealt with this kind of negative thinking. These are the types of ideas and feelings that often hold us back from changing in any way. Unfortunately, many of us don’t realize how our minds process our experiences, making it challenging to become the people we want to be.
Making this mental shift takes reinforcing. I had to remind myself that eating a treat could be fun and that I could feel good while eating it. Eventually, after eating the sweets I wanted and not doing it to rebel, I realized that eating too much of something sweet (or anything for that matter) never actually felt fun because of how my body felt afterward. Making decisions based on love and acceptance felt empowering rather than guilt and turmoil.
After doing this repeatedly, I gradually stopped needing a treat after every meal and instead started to eat according to what felt right. Now, I feel entirely comfortable saying no or yes to all sweets without the nagging feeling of guilt. I no longer feel bad about my decisions because my view of food and my body has changed. I finally know how much and how often it feels good.
Give yourself a mental hug and know that you can reframe your thoughts for you, not because you should and not for anyone else. You are deserving and loveable and can become the person you want to be.